Space 1999 - 30th Anniversary Edition Megaset (17 DVDs)

The creators of Space 1999 must think I'm stupid. We didn't go into deep space in 1999 and have hot retro women wearing sexy spacesuits. Still it's a fun Tv show. And you can watch it all with this anniversary set. 17 DVDs for just $54.99.

It costs you more then that to get your wife all liquored up and in the mood, so what the shit.

[Space 1999 Set]

8" Retro Musical Spaceship with Christmas Snowman Robot

It's a spaceship, it's musical, it has a snowman robot in it! It can't get anymore friggin awesome my sci-fi loving nerdly friends. Just $39.99. If I get one it will go in the wife's stocking. Her stockings are huge and bulging with cellulite.

[UFO with Snowman Robot]

Marvel Encyclopedia

I mostly watch Superhero movies and read comic books to quiet the sound of the wife in my ears. Sometimes I pretend that I'm the hulk, or Captain America and I stand up to her. No, I won't take the trash out! You vacuum the floor! Your 500 pounds of hydraulic rape will no longer enslave me!


Too bad it usually ends with me crying on the floor after she's had a go at my balls. Anyhow, this 400 page Marvel book should keep you from hearing your wifes voice for at least a few hours. It spans the entire Marvel history and features all of the heroes and villains.

[Amazon]

CASIO CA53W-1 Watch with Calculator

You can spot a geek by the kind of watch he wears. If you see him wearing a watch like this, he's a numbers geek. If this man is your friend, get him laid immediately. And steal his watch. If you are not his friend, punch him. It's called tough love.


[Amazon]

Star Trek Transporter Room Playset

If only the transporter were real. I would transport Felicia Day onto my lap, while transporting my wife into World of Warcraft, where she can terrorize geeks with her troll features and hot hog breath. Felicia would bounce up and down on my lap until she raised the sword of excalibur in my pants. This would make me happy. Gotta go. The wife is choking on a ham sandwich the size of her head.

[Star Trek Transporter set]

BioShock 2 Big Daddy Plush Doll

Jesus! That looks like what I wake up next to every morning. This is what my morning beer is all about. But if for some reason you like the bejesus scared out of you, then he's only $23.16.

[Amazon]

E.T. Macbook Pro Skin Vinyl Decal Sticker

Remember E.T. The alien with the Extra Testicle that tried to go all pedo on the Earth kid? Well now you can display him on your fancy MacBook Pro. I'm sure you and Steve Jobs will be very happy as you lose $14.45 and he sits in a plush office blowing himself.

[Amazon]

Futurama: The Complete DVD Collection(In a Bender Head)

Have a beer or 10 and watch the entire Futurama collection, which comes in a giant Bender head. I'm getting one so I can scare people with a robot head on my mantle. Only $105.

[Amazon]

Who needs babysitters when you have LEGO Batman?

Babysitters cost too much money. TV and videogames are much cheaper. I'm recommending Lego Batman since I sat my dumbass kid in front of this and went out to a ball game. Of course, when I came back, there was a wiimote sticking out of my flatscreen and the fruity fruit of my lions was dressed as Robin and calling the cat Commissioner Gordon.


But at least I didn't have to raise him that day.

[Product Page]

Classic Alien Action Figure

I saw aliens before it came out in the theater. Of course I was hopped up on Budweiser and meth at the time. This thing tried to rip my damn face off and incubate alien eggs in my gut. I woke up in front of a 7-11 a few hours later. Turned out it was just a homeless midget pissing on my leg, dry humping me and stealing my beer money.

[Amazon]

Doctor Who Tardis USB 4 Port Hub Station

My wife is a tardis. She's clearly bigger on the inside judging by how much crap she shoves in her pie-hole. She's pretty big on the outside too. I may be a fat bastard, but she takes the cake. No really. she takes cake from you and growls. Anyway check out this Tardis USB hub. it's geek a licious.

[Amazon]

Robby the Robot Bobblehead

Bobbleheads. They shake their head up and down like me pretending I'm listening to my wife as she yaps like a spanked puppy. If you love classic robots, this will only cost you $9.10.


The wife shutting her gob? priceless.

[Amazon]

Dead Space Isaac Action Figure

This Isaac action figure is awesome. This game reminds me of battling my first cockroach infested apartment, when I had to squish shoot and stomp all kinds of buggers. Not much has changed.

• Comes with RC-DC Disc Ripper Accessory
• LED Lights
• Over 20 Points of Articulation
• Officially Licensed  

$31.99

 

[Amazon]

Battlestar Galactica Villains Minimates Box Set

Man I love the frakkin' Cylons. They are shiny, they talk a lot less then my wife and they enslave humanity. What's not to love? Only $15.50. They also eat a lot less than my wife and don't take steaming craps in the shitter, which I walk into and pass out from, only to wake up and find that she's had her way with me. Shudder.

[Amazon]

LEGO Star Wars Darth Vader Mini-Figure Alarm Clock

The force is strong with this Darth Vader Minifig Clock. Maybe it can wake my wife's ass up and get her to work making my breakfast. Cuz right now, she ain't makin herself very useful. Only 24.99.

[Amazon]